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Re: It's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Larry Miller #748969 10/28/20 10:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
HOw parents act in the car and at home is none of anyone's business and not relkevant to the discussion. All we can really talk about is what happens during games/training on the sideline. This is because it impacts more than just the child of the parent yelling things out. It has a major effect on the rest of the kids as well. No one wants to hear people yelling "PASS TO ____" the entire game or berating everyone who isnt their child for daring to take a shot on goal. No one wants to hear a parent embarrass the club by yelling at some referee, who we should be thanking profusely for even doing the thankless job.

The clubs can control this but many do not. If some maniac wants to berate his kids after their u11 lijsl game, that is that family's problem. If he wants to yell instructions to the team that distract and confuse my kids, that is not ok. Simple as that.

There are too many parents ripping into kids on their child's team or from the other team in addition to ripping on their kid. Funny side note I noticed they dont rip into the kids who make the same mistakes that take up residence in crazy town and subscribe to bullying innocent kids playing a sport. Programs that dont deal with these lunatics allow them to ruin the experience for the team and the parents who have a clue and are trying to support the team. A parent thinking its okay to rip your child's teammate apart for making a mistake or doing something outside of "you the adult in diapers expectations" is beyond my grasp. These people have mental disorders and its on full display week after week. My excuses for yourselves and call it them being overly intense, overly invested or wanting the best for their child whatever you like. But the truth is they are unbalanced fouls. They are toxic and dangerous and have no business being allowed to spew their bullcrap week after week. Worse thing about these parents is they and their kids get rewarded at the club our children are at. Says a lot about the club and the clubs true agenda. Speak up against these lunatics and your kid will be penalized. The club will always choose numbers over what's best for the team as a whole. They rather let down the one or two parents complaining then piss off the the crazies.



To the Long Island Referee: I commend you as your disappointment in the coaches and parents is likely something you see more than not each weekend and I dont see things getting better on Long Island any time soon. Hearing the way some of the parents behave is something I can hardly tolerate for one or two games each weekend. I am not a nervous person however I find myself with a pit in my stomach being around these lunatics. The club wants these nuts because its the same nuts that have their kids going 5-6 days a week with extra training and stuff like that. No wonder why these kids burn out. For the club they just replace the kids when they burn out. Also as I have said these lunatics travel in groups so this allows them some leverage with some of the clubs that are entirely in this for the MONEY and really nothing else. So for the referees hoping things will change I love being positive but I have seen too many adults in charge at the club level look the other way at some insane behavior because the parents behaving like lunatics are the majority of the time the parents of your better players and travel in numbers. So we follow our kids lead and desires. We try and use the "days where the parents become unhinged as life lessons" and how not to behave to others. They seem to have a thick skin and understand some of the adults are not right in the head and feel bad for their teammates who have to now get in the car and come home with these parents who use abusive behavior like embarrassment and fear to motivate.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #748970 10/28/20 10:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Poor quality of coaching with poor quality of refereeing will always lead to parents yelling out from the sidelines. The better the coaching most importantly usually always leads to far more trust of parents which in turns leads to a far more “silent” sideline. You rarely hear an involved and alert coach with a loud parental section. If you know youth soccer and are being honest this is the threads issue in a nutshell.

I do not entirely agree with your statement. You give far more credit to parents concerning knowledge of quality coaching and refereeing than they deserve. Most have no idea about either and they call the game through rose colored glasses. I do agree that an alert and involved coach can control the parents but in reality, the nutty parents are going to do what they do because they pay and feel entitled.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #748971 10/28/20 10:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Poor quality of coaching with poor quality of refereeing will always lead to parents yelling out from the sidelines. The better the coaching most importantly usually always leads to far more trust of parents which in turns leads to a far more “silent” sideline. You rarely hear an involved and alert coach with a loud parental section. If you know youth soccer and are being honest this is the threads issue in a nutshell.


This is not correct. We have one of the best trainers in the program and a good number of parents do not allow him to be the voice. A handful dont shut up the entire game. He reminds them throughout the season to chill but they never listen. They are obnoxious know it alls and create a really tough environment for the kids and parents.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Larry Miller #748974 10/28/20 11:29 AM
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If your a parent allowing another parent berate YOUR kid then you are failing as a parent but I hope this is an extreme. However trying to say what a parent should do with their own child is hypocritical. This thread is full of extreme examples of toxic parents attempting to tell all to shut up lol. In no way is a viable solution to not have parents vocal on the sideline In youth soccer but if you want it decreased focus on demanding quality coaching and if the coach quality and it persists then address it with the program heads, if still no change find a new club. Crying about vocal parents who speak to their own kid from the sideline at times through the game is futile.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #748976 10/28/20 11:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
Poor quality of coaching with poor quality of refereeing will always lead to parents yelling out from the sidelines. The better the coaching most importantly usually always leads to far more trust of parents which in turns leads to a far more “silent” sideline. You rarely hear an involved and alert coach with a loud parental section. If you know youth soccer and are being honest this is the threads issue in a nutshell.


This is not correct. We have one of the best trainers in the program and a good number of parents do not allow him to be the voice. A handful dont shut up the entire game. He reminds them throughout the season to chill but they never listen. They are obnoxious know it alls and create a really tough environment for the kids and parents.

Unfortunately great trainer does not equal great coach. The statement is correct wether you want to realize it or not. The quality coaches set and maintain the tone on and off the field, maybe not to perfection of course, but enough not to have you on here complaining about toxic parents on your teams sideline

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Larry Miller #748978 10/28/20 12:26 PM
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Coming from a coach- a while ago I learned an easy way to deal with parents "coaching" from the parent sideline, those few parents who insisted on yelling instructions which contradicted what we wanted the players to do. I told all the parents if they were heard instructing players from the sideline, their player would not play. I only had to pull one player for it in the next game and I've never had an issue since and that was 3 years ago. And yes, that player who got pulled for the half is still on the team. No parent wants to have their kids playing time cut b/c they can't control themselves.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #748979 10/28/20 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
Poor quality of coaching with poor quality of refereeing will always lead to parents yelling out from the sidelines. The better the coaching most importantly usually always leads to far more trust of parents which in turns leads to a far more “silent” sideline. You rarely hear an involved and alert coach with a loud parental section. If you know youth soccer and are being honest this is the threads issue in a nutshell.


This is not correct. We have one of the best trainers in the program and a good number of parents do not allow him to be the voice. A handful dont shut up the entire game. He reminds them throughout the season to chill but they never listen. They are obnoxious know it alls and create a really tough environment for the kids and parents.

Unfortunately great trainer does not equal great coach. The statement is correct wether you want to realize it or not. The quality coaches set and maintain the tone on and off the field, maybe not to perfection of course, but enough not to have you on here complaining about toxic parents on your teams sideline

I wrote the above post and I stand corrected. I do agree with you that though this person is a great trainer he is also very intense especially if the kids are not doing well. His behavior and words to the kids are sometimes bordering abusive. I say he is a great trainer because he is in many ways. When he oversteps and becomes part of the problem its clear he has his flaws. He has gotten better over time with his behavior I like to tell think. Either way I believe his behavior instigates some of the really bad behavior from the parents who are already struggle keeping their stuff together and not coaching their kids or their kids teammates as well as referring the game play by play.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #748982 10/28/20 12:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Coming from a coach- a while ago I learned an easy way to deal with parents "coaching" from the parent sideline, those few parents who insisted on yelling instructions which contradicted what we wanted the players to do. I told all the parents if they were heard instructing players from the sideline, their player would not play. I only had to pull one player for it in the next game and I've never had an issue since and that was 3 years ago. And yes, that player who got pulled for the half is still on the team. No parent wants to have their kids playing time cut b/c they can't control themselves.

Using playing time as a coach in many different scenarios is invaluable. Our daughter's coach would never do that because the ones that are bonkers on the sideline are the parents of the mostly better half of the team. He is all about winning. Certainly I think if he did this he would build a stronger team. One of the parents was 10 feet (parents and coach sharing same sideline due to Covid) from the coach at a game and crazy dad was directing traffic with his kid on the field. He was telling her where to go and when. He did this right in front of the coach no less 5-10 times. Coach not once corrected him even when he contradicted what he wanted crazy dad's kid to do. It can't get any clearer that this parent needs an intervention. This same parent was also throwing his hands up when certain kids made mistakes and turning to others to complain about the kids not getting his daughter the ball.

Coaches wake up you have a duty to the "entire" team not to allow these sort of people to take over your teams and ruin the experience for the kids.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #748983 10/28/20 01:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
If your a parent allowing another parent berate YOUR kid then you are failing as a parent but I hope this is an extreme. However trying to say what a parent should do with their own child is hypocritical. This thread is full of extreme examples of toxic parents attempting to tell all to shut up lol. In no way is a viable solution to not have parents vocal on the sideline In youth soccer but if you want it decreased focus on demanding quality coaching and if the coach quality and it persists then address it with the program heads, if still no change find a new club. Crying about vocal parents who speak to their own kid from the sideline at times through the game is futile.

Speaking to your own kid is one thing and not much can be done from parent to parent, coach to parent conversation is in order. You will not get the most from your players and their focus will not be there when they are looking over to mom and dad.

Most would agree that when these intense parents start picking apart their child's teammates then a warning is in order and the next time removal from the club. Very simple. You cant have these type of people on the sideline. They are dangerous and will cause too much trouble for their lousy one child tuition. I don't care if they have 5 kids in the program. You get rid of them after they are warned.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #748987 10/28/20 01:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Coming from a coach- a while ago I learned an easy way to deal with parents "coaching" from the parent sideline, those few parents who insisted on yelling instructions which contradicted what we wanted the players to do. I told all the parents if they were heard instructing players from the sideline, their player would not play. I only had to pull one player for it in the next game and I've never had an issue since and that was 3 years ago. And yes, that player who got pulled for the half is still on the team. No parent wants to have their kids playing time cut b/c they can't control themselves.
Seems pretty straight forward but so many coaches just dont want to have these conversations and instead risk losing good players. It is so silly.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #748988 10/28/20 02:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
If your a parent allowing another parent berate YOUR kid then you are failing as a parent but I hope this is an extreme. However trying to say what a parent should do with their own child is hypocritical. This thread is full of extreme examples of toxic parents attempting to tell all to shut up lol. In no way is a viable solution to not have parents vocal on the sideline In youth soccer but if you want it decreased focus on demanding quality coaching and if the coach quality and it persists then address it with the program heads, if still no change find a new club. Crying about vocal parents who speak to their own kid from the sideline at times through the game is futile.

Speaking to your own kid is one thing and not much can be done from parent to parent, coach to parent conversation is in order. You will not get the most from your players and their focus will not be there when they are looking over to mom and dad.

Most would agree that when these intense parents start picking apart their child's teammates then a warning is in order and the next time removal from the club. Very simple. You cant have these type of people on the sideline. They are dangerous and will cause too much trouble for their lousy one child tuition. I don't care if they have 5 kids in the program. You get rid of them after they are warned.

With all due respect who are you to decide a coach to parent conversation is in order for a parent speaking to their own child? It’s your opinion that a coach wouldn’t get the most out of a player or that the parent does it in a distracting rather than advantageous way to the development of the player.

We do agree there’s zero room for a parent to pick apart a teammate in any way shape or form

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Larry Miller #748989 10/28/20 02:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
If your a parent allowing another parent berate YOUR kid then you are failing as a parent but I hope this is an extreme. However trying to say what a parent should do with their own child is hypocritical. This thread is full of extreme examples of toxic parents attempting to tell all to shut up lol. In no way is a viable solution to not have parents vocal on the sideline In youth soccer but if you want it decreased focus on demanding quality coaching and if the coach quality and it persists then address it with the program heads, if still no change find a new club. Crying about vocal parents who speak to their own kid from the sideline at times through the game is futile.

Speaking to your own kid is one thing and not much can be done from parent to parent, coach to parent conversation is in order. You will not get the most from your players and their focus will not be there when they are looking over to mom and dad.

Most would agree that when these intense parents start picking apart their child's teammates then a warning is in order and the next time removal from the club. Very simple. You cant have these type of people on the sideline. They are dangerous and will cause too much trouble for their lousy one child tuition. I don't care if they have 5 kids in the program. You get rid of them after they are warned.

With all due respect who are you to decide a coach to parent conversation is in order for a parent speaking to their own child? It’s your opinion that a coach wouldn’t get the most out of a player or that the parent does it in a distracting rather than advantageous way to the development of the player.

We do agree there’s zero room for a parent to pick apart a teammate in any way shape or form


Coach to parent conversation is in order when said parent is distracting their child or their child's teammates. Is deeming and not encouraging in their attempts to instruct their child. Parents would serve their child best by being parents and allowing the coach to be coach and the lessons from the game to serve as their guidance as to what they did well and what they need to work on.

Soccer is a very fluid game having any on the ball dialogue with your child in addition to what the coach and their teammates are saying does not work. If that dialogue is deeming or distracting (yelling at your child) then the coach deals with it. I was a coach for many years for both youth and adults. I was also a player at a high level. I can tell you on the ball instruction is tricky with limited upside especially as they get older and best left up to the coach. If you don't think you have a qualified coach then that is a whole other issue.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #748994 10/28/20 04:32 PM
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The effect of this goes beyond a given match. For those players that want to continue playing In college the conduct of parents is a definite consideration of college coaches. We all have heard horror stories about local colleges and the effect of parents trying to influence playing time for their daughters. College coaches vette not only the athletes but also their families. The soccer community is a very small world and reputations are heard by all. When colleges talk to clubs about specific players they are also asked about parents. No club/coach/DOC wants the reputation of sending problem players or problem parents to a college and would be honest about any concerns. This is the clubs duty and obligation. In addition, more and more coaches are sending their assistants to stand on the parents sidelines without wearing the colleges logos to observe the parents as well as the parents. This absolutely occurs at showcases. All these things matter and unfortunately you hear stories of parents who ruined situations fo their kids because they just can’t help themselves. College soccer coaches do not tolerate parent behavior. As I already said parents have effected some local programs in a negative way.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #748995 10/28/20 04:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
If your a parent allowing another parent berate YOUR kid then you are failing as a parent but I hope this is an extreme. However trying to say what a parent should do with their own child is hypocritical. This thread is full of extreme examples of toxic parents attempting to tell all to shut up lol. In no way is a viable solution to not have parents vocal on the sideline In youth soccer but if you want it decreased focus on demanding quality coaching and if the coach quality and it persists then address it with the program heads, if still no change find a new club. Crying about vocal parents who speak to their own kid from the sideline at times through the game is futile.

Speaking to your own kid is one thing and not much can be done from parent to parent, coach to parent conversation is in order. You will not get the most from your players and their focus will not be there when they are looking over to mom and dad.

Most would agree that when these intense parents start picking apart their child's teammates then a warning is in order and the next time removal from the club. Very simple. You cant have these type of people on the sideline. They are dangerous and will cause too much trouble for their lousy one child tuition. I don't care if they have 5 kids in the program. You get rid of them after they are warned.

With all due respect who are you to decide a coach to parent conversation is in order for a parent speaking to their own child? It’s your opinion that a coach wouldn’t get the most out of a player or that the parent does it in a distracting rather than advantageous way to the development of the player.

We do agree there’s zero room for a parent to pick apart a teammate in any way shape or form


Coach to parent conversation is in order when said parent is distracting their child or their child's teammates. Is deeming and not encouraging in their attempts to instruct their child. Parents would serve their child best by being parents and allowing the coach to be coach and the lessons from the game to serve as their guidance as to what they did well and what they need to work on.

Soccer is a very fluid game having any on the ball dialogue with your child in addition to what the coach and their teammates are saying does not work. If that dialogue is deeming or distracting (yelling at your child) then the coach deals with it. I was a coach for many years for both youth and adults. I was also a player at a high level. I can tell you on the ball instruction is tricky with limited upside especially as they get older and best left up to the coach. If you don't think you have a qualified coach then that is a whole other issue.

Fair enough

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #749006 10/29/20 08:16 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
HOw parents act in the car and at home is none of anyone's business and not relkevant to the discussion. All we can really talk about is what happens during games/training on the sideline. This is because it impacts more than just the child of the parent yelling things out. It has a major effect on the rest of the kids as well. No one wants to hear people yelling "PASS TO ____" the entire game or berating everyone who isnt their child for daring to take a shot on goal. No one wants to hear a parent embarrass the club by yelling at some referee, who we should be thanking profusely for even doing the thankless job.

The clubs can control this but many do not. If some maniac wants to berate his kids after their u11 lijsl game, that is that family's problem. If he wants to yell instructions to the team that distract and confuse my kids, that is not ok. Simple as that.
100% agree. Why punish all parents for a few obnoxious ones?

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #749011 10/29/20 09:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Coming from a coach- a while ago I learned an easy way to deal with parents "coaching" from the parent sideline, those few parents who insisted on yelling instructions which contradicted what we wanted the players to do. I told all the parents if they were heard instructing players from the sideline, their player would not play. I only had to pull one player for it in the next game and I've never had an issue since and that was 3 years ago. And yes, that player who got pulled for the half is still on the team. No parent wants to have their kids playing time cut b/c they can't control themselves.

OUTSTANDING COACH! Great move with great results! When people set down protocols and violators pay a price they get it RIGHT AWAY! I commend you and I am sure you have the total respect of your players and parents and you have set the culture of your team!

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #749016 10/29/20 09:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
. Why punish all parents for a few obnoxious ones?

This. If you think about it, there's a scale.

On one end are the obnoxious, "joystick" parents who argue every call, go against the coach, scream at their kids and others, yell at the other parents, etc. These are small in number, but out there.
On the other end are those who just sit, watch, and no words come out of their mouth. They are also small in number, but there.

The majority sit somewhere between those two extremes. Some think that in order to stop the obnoxious end, you need to turn/force everyone into the quiet end. I disagree. I think coaches/clubs need to take action against the major offenders and push everyone TOWARD the "quiet" end of the scale.

Let's start with this... if a parent gets ejected from a game, they aren't allowed to attend the next two games. If they are in sight of the field, the coach sits their kid. This would apply to rec, club, and HS. This needs to be regulated on the team level.
If a parent is "pushing the line", the coach should meet with the parent before/after a practice and warn them (when emotions aren't as high).

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #749023 10/29/20 11:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
. Why punish all parents for a few obnoxious ones?

This. If you think about it, there's a scale.

On one end are the obnoxious, "joystick" parents who argue every call, go against the coach, scream at their kids and others, yell at the other parents, etc. These are small in number, but out there.
On the other end are those who just sit, watch, and no words come out of their mouth. They are also small in number, but there.

The majority sit somewhere between those two extremes. Some think that in order to stop the obnoxious end, you need to turn/force everyone into the quiet end. I disagree. I think coaches/clubs need to take action against the major offenders and push everyone TOWARD the "quiet" end of the scale.

Let's start with this... if a parent gets ejected from a game, they aren't allowed to attend the next two games. If they are in sight of the field, the coach sits their kid. This would apply to rec, club, and HS. This needs to be regulated on the team level.
If a parent is "pushing the line", the coach should meet with the parent before/after a practice and warn them (when emotions aren't as high).

Why stop at youth club and HS events?

Let's adopt it at Pro level - those stadium are getting awfully loud at times - if they get too loud - let's sit the team starters...
So nice and quite now when no fans are allowed in stadiums.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #749035 10/29/20 12:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
. Why punish all parents for a few obnoxious ones?

This. If you think about it, there's a scale.

On one end are the obnoxious, "joystick" parents who argue every call, go against the coach, scream at their kids and others, yell at the other parents, etc. These are small in number, but out there.
On the other end are those who just sit, watch, and no words come out of their mouth. They are also small in number, but there.

The majority sit somewhere between those two extremes. Some think that in order to stop the obnoxious end, you need to turn/force everyone into the quiet end. I disagree. I think coaches/clubs need to take action against the major offenders and push everyone TOWARD the "quiet" end of the scale.

Let's start with this... if a parent gets ejected from a game, they aren't allowed to attend the next two games. If they are in sight of the field, the coach sits their kid. This would apply to rec, club, and HS. This needs to be regulated on the team level.
If a parent is "pushing the line", the coach should meet with the parent before/after a practice and warn them (when emotions aren't as high).

Why stop at youth club and HS events?

Let's adopt it at Pro level - those stadium are getting awfully loud at times - if they get too loud - let's sit the team starters...
So nice and quite now when no fans are allowed in stadiums.

Great point! Little Robby would play so much better if only we could hear a pin drop at the games! I vote no parents, sounds great the kids would love it

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #749055 10/29/20 07:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
HOw parents act in the car and at home is none of anyone's business and not relkevant to the discussion. All we can really talk about is what happens during games/training on the sideline. This is because it impacts more than just the child of the parent yelling things out. It has a major effect on the rest of the kids as well. No one wants to hear people yelling "PASS TO ____" the entire game or berating everyone who isnt their child for daring to take a shot on goal. No one wants to hear a parent embarrass the club by yelling at some referee, who we should be thanking profusely for even doing the thankless job.

The clubs can control this but many do not. If some maniac wants to berate his kids after their u11 lijsl game, that is that family's problem. If he wants to yell instructions to the team that distract and confuse my kids, that is not ok. Simple as that.

There are too many parents ripping into kids on their child's team or from the other team in addition to ripping on their kid. Funny side note I noticed they dont rip into the kids who make the same mistakes that take up residence in crazy town and subscribe to bullying innocent kids playing a sport. Programs that dont deal with these lunatics allow them to ruin the experience for the team and the parents who have a clue and are trying to support the team. A parent thinking its okay to rip your child's teammate apart for making a mistake or doing something outside of "you the adult in diapers expectations" is beyond my grasp. These people have mental disorders and its on full display week after week. My excuses for yourselves and call it them being overly intense, overly invested or wanting the best for their child whatever you like. But the truth is they are unbalanced fouls. They are toxic and dangerous and have no business being allowed to spew their bullcrap week after week. Worse thing about these parents is they and their kids get rewarded at the club our children are at. Says a lot about the club and the clubs true agenda. Speak up against these lunatics and your kid will be penalized. The club will always choose numbers over what's best for the team as a whole. They rather let down the one or two parents complaining then piss off the the crazies.



To the Long Island Referee: I commend you as your disappointment in the coaches and parents is likely something you see more than not each weekend and I dont see things getting better on Long Island any time soon. Hearing the way some of the parents behave is something I can hardly tolerate for one or two games each weekend. I am not a nervous person however I find myself with a pit in my stomach being around these lunatics. The club wants these nuts because its the same nuts that have their kids going 5-6 days a week with extra training and stuff like that. No wonder why these kids burn out. For the club they just replace the kids when they burn out. Also as I have said these lunatics travel in groups so this allows them some leverage with some of the clubs that are entirely in this for the MONEY and really nothing else. So for the referees hoping things will change I love being positive but I have seen too many adults in charge at the club level look the other way at some insane behavior because the parents behaving like lunatics are the majority of the time the parents of your better players and travel in numbers. So we follow our kids lead and desires. We try and use the "days where the parents become unhinged as life lessons" and how not to behave to others. They seem to have a thick skin and understand some of the adults are not right in the head and feel bad for their teammates who have to now get in the car and come home with these parents who use abusive behavior like embarrassment and fear to motivate.
I appreciate your support. Here’s the deal, I get paid to deal with it and also control it but mostly to STOP it.

All of you parents are PAYING for this experience and deserve an abusive free, fair and just experience that may teach some of your children more lessons other than soccer.

Let’s all work together and not tolerate inappropriate behavior by any player, coach, trainer, referee or parent. Call it out when you see it on your team and let people know that you will not tolerate it.

We all have the power to make a change for the better.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
LIRef77 #749060 10/30/20 05:45 AM
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Originally Posted by LIRef77
I appreciate your support. Here’s the deal, I get paid to deal with it and also control it but mostly to STOP it.

All of you parents are PAYING for this experience and deserve an abusive free, fair and just experience that may teach some of your children more lessons other than soccer.

Let’s all work together and not tolerate inappropriate behavior by any player, coach, trainer, referee or parent. Call it out when you see it on your team and let people know that you will not tolerate it.

We all have the power to make a change for the better.
Easier said than done. I remember when my kid was playing U10 and we were at a tournament. A couple of parents (from son's team) were berating the AR (from across the field) for missing an offside call. Not unusual but they just kept on and on about it. I told them "let it go" and was told to "mind my own business" (in not so nice terms). Keep in mind, I would have to be with these parents for the next couple of weeks. I might need rides for my son or other help from them. And what power do I have over them? Absolutely none.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #749065 10/30/20 07:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by LIRef77
I appreciate your support. Here’s the deal, I get paid to deal with it and also control it but mostly to STOP it.

All of you parents are PAYING for this experience and deserve an abusive free, fair and just experience that may teach some of your children more lessons other than soccer.

Let’s all work together and not tolerate inappropriate behavior by any player, coach, trainer, referee or parent. Call it out when you see it on your team and let people know that you will not tolerate it.

We all have the power to make a change for the better.
Easier said than done. I remember when my kid was playing U10 and we were at a tournament. A couple of parents (from son's team) were berating the AR (from across the field) for missing an offside call. Not unusual but they just kept on and on about it. I told them "let it go" and was told to "mind my own business" (in not so nice terms). Keep in mind, I would have to be with these parents for the next couple of weeks. I might need rides for my son or other help from them. And what power do I have over them? Absolutely none.


I learned early on not to say anything to those loud abusive parents. What happens instead is that no one stands near them during a game. Once they start in we just walk away and they are left standing by themselves. Not being associated with them during the match is made very clear to them that you do not approve that behavior.

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
Anonymous #749070 10/30/20 09:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by LIRef77
I appreciate your support. Here’s the deal, I get paid to deal with it and also control it but mostly to STOP it.

All of you parents are PAYING for this experience and deserve an abusive free, fair and just experience that may teach some of your children more lessons other than soccer.

Let’s all work together and not tolerate inappropriate behavior by any player, coach, trainer, referee or parent. Call it out when you see it on your team and let people know that you will not tolerate it.

We all have the power to make a change for the better.
Easier said than done. I remember when my kid was playing U10 and we were at a tournament. A couple of parents (from son's team) were berating the AR (from across the field) for missing an offside call. Not unusual but they just kept on and on about it. I told them "let it go" and was told to "mind my own business" (in not so nice terms). Keep in mind, I would have to be with these parents for the next couple of weeks. I might need rides for my son or other help from them. And what power do I have over them? Absolutely none.

When it comes to bullies you cannot just talk to them without taking action. They understand the bully dynamic, you just need to. Did you think that just saying something would shut him up? Why?

First, some of the blame does in fact go to the referee for allowing his AR to be abused without saying a word. Second, confronting the bully by yourself is ineffective, he does not care about you, your child or your opinion. He would care if a group of you after the game walked up to him with the Coach and started a conversation like “do you realize that you are in violation of the club’s policy regarding parent behavior?” You have to first go to the coach as a group if you care and get him to take action with this parent, again they will continue to do what they do especially if they are not required to take some form of penalty for it.

But I have a question-why would you even consider allowing your child to get in the car of this idiot? Why would you subject your child to his antics? This is not the person you ask to carpool with this is the person that needs to be ostracized, discouraged, talked to and warned by the team that if it continues we will be asking you to leave.

When parents are afraid to do something about the team bully what message are you giving your child?

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
LIRef77 #749099 10/30/20 07:37 PM
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Originally Posted by LIRef77
Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by LIRef77
I appreciate your support. Here’s the deal, I get paid to deal with it and also control it but mostly to STOP it.

All of you parents are PAYING for this experience and deserve an abusive free, fair and just experience that may teach some of your children more lessons other than soccer.

Let’s all work together and not tolerate inappropriate behavior by any player, coach, trainer, referee or parent. Call it out when you see it on your team and let people know that you will not tolerate it.

We all have the power to make a change for the better.
Easier said than done. I remember when my kid was playing U10 and we were at a tournament. A couple of parents (from son's team) were berating the AR (from across the field) for missing an offside call. Not unusual but they just kept on and on about it. I told them "let it go" and was told to "mind my own business" (in not so nice terms). Keep in mind, I would have to be with these parents for the next couple of weeks. I might need rides for my son or other help from them. And what power do I have over them? Absolutely none.

When it comes to bullies you cannot just talk to them without taking action. They understand the bully dynamic, you just need to. Did you think that just saying something would shut him up? Why?

First, some of the blame does in fact go to the referee for allowing his AR to be abused without saying a word. Second, confronting the bully by yourself is ineffective, he does not care about you, your child or your opinion. He would care if a group of you after the game walked up to him with the Coach and started a conversation like “do you realize that you are in violation of the club’s policy regarding parent behavior?” You have to first go to the coach as a group if you care and get him to take action with this parent, again they will continue to do what they do especially if they are not required to take some form of penalty for it.

But I have a question-why would you even consider allowing your child to get in the car of this idiot? Why would you subject your child to his antics? This is not the person you ask to carpool with this is the person that needs to be ostracized, discouraged, talked to and warned by the team that if it continues we will be asking you to leave.

When parents are afraid to do something about the team bully what message are you giving your child?

Exactly and well said. This person is worried about carpools. Really? Shows you that some adults have no business having children?

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Re: t's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines
LIRef77 #749100 10/30/20 08:14 PM
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Originally Posted by LIRef77
Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by LIRef77
I appreciate your support. Here’s the deal, I get paid to deal with it and also control it but mostly to STOP it.

All of you parents are PAYING for this experience and deserve an abusive free, fair and just experience that may teach some of your children more lessons other than soccer.

Let’s all work together and not tolerate inappropriate behavior by any player, coach, trainer, referee or parent. Call it out when you see it on your team and let people know that you will not tolerate it.

We all have the power to make a change for the better.
Easier said than done. I remember when my kid was playing U10 and we were at a tournament. A couple of parents (from son's team) were berating the AR (from across the field) for missing an offside call. Not unusual but they just kept on and on about it. I told them "let it go" and was told to "mind my own business" (in not so nice terms). Keep in mind, I would have to be with these parents for the next couple of weeks. I might need rides for my son or other help from them. And what power do I have over them? Absolutely none.

When it comes to bullies you cannot just talk to them without taking action. They understand the bully dynamic, you just need to. Did you think that just saying something would shut him up? Why?

First, some of the blame does in fact go to the referee for allowing his AR to be abused without saying a word. Second, confronting the bully by yourself is ineffective, he does not care about you, your child or your opinion. He would care if a group of you after the game walked up to him with the Coach and started a conversation like “do you realize that you are in violation of the club’s policy regarding parent behavior?” You have to first go to the coach as a group if you care and get him to take action with this parent, again they will continue to do what they do especially if they are not required to take some form of penalty for it.

But I have a question-why would you even consider allowing your child to get in the car of this idiot? Why would you subject your child to his antics? This is not the person you ask to carpool with this is the person that needs to be ostracized, discouraged, talked to and warned by the team that if it continues we will be asking you to leave.

When parents are afraid to do something about the team bully what message are you giving your child?

LIRef, couldn't you just card the coach? That would get the point across!

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