Home Forums Long Island & Eastern New York Soccer Message Boards BOTN Main Message Board It's a perfect time to let kids play without parents on the sidelines

by Beau Dure @duresport

Across the United States, the United Kingdom and most of the world, sports are taking place with either no crowd or a small one.

So why is youth soccer different? And isn’t this an opportunity to hit the reset button on the toxic atmosphere parents can create?

Some organizations are doing a good job of convincing parents to be safe. Parents wear masks. They spread out into small family units.

Some aren’t.

Let’s be clear -- all of the current data says playing soccer poses a minimal risk of COVID-19 transmission. Players racing past each other do not constitute “close contact,” according to the CDC definition. A study in the Netherlands found the closest contact on the soccer field was in a goal celebration, something players and coaches can limit. Organizations that have tracked transmission have found little reason for concern. Last week, Wisconsin researchers said the numbers they’ve compiled from 90,000 players showed one single case of transmission during soccer play itself. With safety measures in place, the Wisconsin survey showed, youth soccer players have a significantly lower rate of infection than the rest of the country’s youth.

And we shouldn’t forget that NWSL and MLS, along with the NBA and WNBA, managed to pull off successful “bubble” events. The NFL has had the most cases among major sports but has managed to avoid an outbreak within the league.

The question is whether the sidelines and stands can be as safe as the field. As the proud son of a University of Georgia professor, I’m happy to see the Bulldogs play football (except against Alabama), but I cringe when I see massive clusters of students with no masks on.

In my region, referees have been told they’re not responsible for making parents spread out and wear masks. But then who is? (The parents responsible for the toxic atmosphere I described earlier this fall were, predictably, not the least bit compliant, even after an opposing coach complained in an earlier game.)

So why not tell the parents to take a hike?

We’ve been sounding the alarm on parents ruining sports for their kids for years now. Hockey Canada had a clever set of ads with kids turning the tables on their parents, and another Canadian group released a heart-rending ad with a glum kid in a car listening to his overbearing dad after a practice.

“(P)arents are starting to inject their own experiences, or past failures if you will, onto their children,” Kobe Bryant said last year.

When I returned to rec-league reffing over the weekend, I didn’t experience anything as bad as the garbage I encountered at the Big Tournament a couple of weeks ago. But I heard one dad berating his kid throughout the game, using a lot of the same belittlements found in the excellent Canadian ads linked above. After his son was partially responsible for conceding a goal, I saw that he had taken several steps past the sideline. Unfortunately for him, this game’s ref wasn’t one of the timid teenagers this league usually has. I had a word with him and the team’s coach.

Imagine how much more fun kids will have without parents like that sitting on and stepping over the sideline.

The sideline ban doesn’t have to be permanent. But if parents want to act like toddlers, maybe they need a timeout. And if we can short-circuit the spread of COVID-19 at the same time, so much the better.

The author mixes different completely different issues altogether....

As far COVID - this is not an issue - from my experience 20-30 adults dispersed over sidelines, most wearing mask, outdoors is non-factor....
For indoors (or a bubble)- I wouldn't argue and would be 100% ok not to show up for a game or wait outside.

Example of cluster of students with no masks on during football is not applicable.
Parents negative behavior at kids events is completely different issue.
And then do we need to hear Kobe Bryan opinion ?

I don't see why i can't enjoy watching my kid's game outside on a weekend - this is garbage...I am sorry.

if clubs and coaches just control parents this wouldnt be an issue. Honestly, we think the best idea is to ban parents from the sidelines? What about when some emergency occurs? What if the kid needs something? Coaches are not prepared to handle everything while also managing the rest of the team and they shouldnt be put in that position. There will always be overbearing parents, all that can be done is to limit the yelling on the sideline. Controlling how they act in the car and at home is no one else's issue.

Actually, it comes down to pay to play and being minors, compared to professionals. It's a nonsensical article comparing apples and oranges.

how would the kids know what to do without parents yelling at them every step of the way. And the refs need to know how bad they are doing.

I agree with your post 100%. If I had my way, parents would just STFU and watch, period. I think most parents are pretty good but there is an annoying group at every game that coaches every play and refs every call. The car ride home? I just feel a great deal of pity for that poor child with the overbearing, helicopter parent.

During the many years involved in youth soccer I never got why parents dont understand that there is no upside to yelling at and joy sticking their kid from the sidelines. Not only is it tough to be around people who are unhinged but the players hear all this distraction and it completely unnecessary and creates a really toxic environment. The coach is the only one that should be injecting their voice and providing instruction to the players during matches, PERIOD. Parents are there (or should be there) to encourage and create an atmosphere for the team that allows the players to play free and free of ridicule from their parents or their teammates parents. The worst is when parents take their frustrations out on other kids on their child team and not just their kid. Think about the stones it takes to start instructing someone elses kid to do this or that while the game is in progress?

All these kids are going to make mistakes just like adults do in pro matches. Playing the blame game or acting like its the end of the world when a kid makes an error or plays outside the expectations of the "know it all" crazy parent is not fun for the kids or adults that have to be around these losers. These parents need to be dealt with swiftly because they are trouble. Sadly, these sort of parents usual travel in groups and attract other crazies so the clubs now have a handful of people on the team that they need to correct and coaches rather look the other way until it gets really bad then deal with a group of paying customers that they are afraid of pissing off. Sadly the decent parents and kids are usually the one who suffer because the club does not want to draw a hard line in the sand and correct something they owe it to the kids to correct.

I have seen this behavior by parents from the first match I attended. There are a group of parents who live vicariously through the sports of their children. They Truly believe they can have an outcome or can motivate their child to play better. The parents “life issues” and frustrations are manifested onto their kids sporting events. I have witnessed parents behavior before, during and after matches and it taught me a lot about how to deal with my own kids concerning sports. I learned that for them to succeed it had to be there sport and sit back and enjoy watching. The second reason why parents get so involved is because the team/club becomes a big part of the social life of the parents. It’s no longer just soccer therefore parents see these soccer games/tournaments about their social life as well. Parents who have their own lives and interests are less likely to get involved on the sidelines. Unfortunately this behavior by parents will never change because that’s in their nature. I know that coaches, DOC’s have had conversations with these type of players parents but it really doesn’t work. You really feel for these kids who just want to play soccer for themselves.

I agree absolutely with the parents social life point you are making. This is bad because it ultimately just increases anxieties, especially when the team is playing in one of the more competitive leagues. There's few guarantees about playing time, position and even team rostering so it adds unnecessary pressure when the parents social life becomes entangled and for many families it may be somewhat precarious. We're on our second kid through and have found it best to be cordial and friendly without being entangled in close friendships.

Thinking excluding parents is a good thing is absurd business wise and for the children. As a kid my parents on the sideline was apart of the joy of playing, showing them my skills.

Nothing wrong with vocal parents critiquing their own kid, over bearing parents on the other hand, yet I’ve seen the most quit groups of parents scream at the top of their lungs when things get interesting, youth soccer resides in a huge glass house.

Ps it’s a game let’s stop overthinking it, let the kids play and the parents watch simple

Agree with most of what you say. However, no parent should be critiquing their kid. That's what your paying a coach/trainer for. The coach also has a game plan which the parents do not know nor understanding. Just go to the game, cheer, show sportsmanship and enjoy. Don't coach, don't ref and don't complain. Simple.

Maybe in theory what your saying would suffice however often these youth soccer coaches and refs do not warrant the benefit of the doubt of not needing to supplementally help your kid at times of ages of 7,8,9,10,11 with critiques the coach may miss or letting a ref know the other team has to wait until the ball is touchEd before leaving build out line etc.

Furthermore expecting a coach with multiple teams/players to pick up on certain intricacies of your kid you’d be waiting for a diamond in the rough. I don’t see parent involvement being a issue as long as it’s not over bearing.

Do you go to school and tell your kids teacher how to teach or take their tests and do their homework for them too? Maybe you're the parent who does their science project for them so they get picked every year.

Cooh cooh ca choo

If you did not allow parents to watch their kids games you would have a lot less kids playing.


I am a parent admin some of the parents are absolutely awful. As many email as I can send that some random ref has no interest in the outcome of a 12 year olds game. You still get parents berating referees and yelling pass or shoot. It does not matter if it's low level or high level parents are nuts not all but a good number.

Sounds like your parents did your hw for you, but to answer your question I help them of course with school work and soccer it’s called parenting

Sure, to the kids it’s a game but to some parents it’s a way of life. I am all for parents watching, the problem is when parents participate on the Car ride to the game getting in your kids face of what they expect , before the game on telling them to play hard and basically not let them down and then during the game screaming instructions to their kids. After the game giving them a critique of their performance even when the parent never played soccer nor do they know anything about the sport. Yes, I am all in to having people watch but unfortunately we all have seen this behavior by parents who can’t keep it simple and just watch your kid and the team play.

There are a lot of good points being made on this forum and I have pointed out a lot of this before.

Firstly, the idea that parents should not be at games because the other adults (Coaches and Referees) cannot control their aberrant behavior is not realistic. The parents are paying for their children’s experience and have every right to observe their children and insure they are getting the experience they deserve.

As far as “supplemental help” for the referees and Coaches, I love how some parents think they can “assist” the Coach or Referee do their job. If you want to help your children or the coaches and referees the best thing you can do it is to be an assistant coach or referee so you can better understand the issues and experience them yourself.

If you want to point out an error you believe the referee is making like a build out line rule then mention it to the Coach and maybe he can discuss it with the referee during the half time recess.
As far as the build out line the poster commenting on this actually has it wrong so if you think you know better than the referee think again and check with the Coach before opening your mouth. As a referee I like to discuss this prior to the game so there are no misunderstandings.
I have said this before but if all we could just audiotape a game and then listen to the misdirected cacophony of incessant parental coaching and interference we would all be amazed that the kids actually can play through it. As a former Coach a lot of what parents instructions are often I total conflict with what the Coach is trying to get the team to do.

I also know this-As a referee if you let the bullying, inappropriate and outright cruel comments to continue at a game then you are allowing a few individuals to ruin the experience for all.
I see it as more of a partnership between the Coaches and I to keep the game civilized and enjoyable. Coaches are responsible for their parents behavior and the sooner they set and enforce the appropriate set of behavior protocols all clubs have in place the sooner the experience changes for the better.

Once a referee takes control and takes appropriate action it changes the tone immediately.
If a parent is consistently being loud and inappropriate as soon as you show the Coach a yellow card for the parent and eject the parent it immediately sends a message to all that this will not be tolerated. Having rules and protocols in place without enforcement and action is useless. If bad behavior has no consequences it is normal human behavior to continue to violate the rules.

Not to be corny but it does “take a village” and if your team has that village idiot ruining the experience for your children and the other parents then it is also incumbent upon all to use peer pressure to let this parent know that this will not be tolerated by your own team.

Maybe ask that parent how they would like someone to stand behind them at work and constantly shout out berating instructions for every minute of their work day. How would that feel?

The psychological damage being inflicted on children during games is unecessary and counterproductive to their confidence and positive game experience.
Audiotape your next game and then listen to it through your child’s ears and think about how that is affecting your child’s experience.

Then maybe you can understand why the ride home after a loss or unpleasant game would not be the time to criticize your child’s performance and choose your words carefully and refrain from having an unpleasant conversation while they are still upset.

You've completely twisted my response to deflect away from the real problem, parents like you. Not even sure how you derived my parents did my homework for me, but that's your ability to shift peoples focus away from problematic people like you and on to others. You're reply is a stupid as your original post. Helping with homework is different that doing it for them. I make sure they do it, answer questions they have but the onus is on them. You seem like a bulldozer, helicopter, PTA, participation trophy parent. Just go to your kids game and STFU, they nor anyone else wants to hear you!

To be clear, because it seems some who believe parents need to shut up and watch, are living in a complete fantasy world. To get your points across you attempt to equate everything a parent says to assist a child, remind, encourage is somehow “berating” or counterproductive at ages 7,8,9 etc which is total garbage. Soccer is a game but it’s also a sport, let’s keep that in mind, one that takes learning and how a parent chooses to teach is none of anyone’s else business. We are not talking about someone who’s using foul language, demeaning etc as this can’t be your either berating or completely silent, there’s room to be in between.

As for refs being off limits, I’ve seen parents go too far when addressing them but I’ve also seen parents help in many ways it’s just the reality of things considering the quality of refereeing sometimes, which if we’re honest on occasions can even be jaw dropping poor

And you are doing what to contribute to the improvement of refereeing? By all means step up and try it, it’s hard enough to do and even harder when every call is being questioned or criticized.

I can say the same about parenting, to hear a parent cheering when a child gets injured is not just jaw dropping but psychotically bizarre. That is the difference here. No referee wants to step on the field and make bad calls, that intent does not exist. When a parent or Coach behaves like a psychotic it is with total intent and not a mistake!

Additionally, coaches seem to not take an interest in individual player development especially at the older ages 11+. Its up to the parents to get their kids supplemental training etc. It's up to the parents to provide guidance and teach their kids since the coaches and teachers don't have the time to spend with your kid individually. For others to think that parents should but out of their kid's development and leave it to the "experts" is not realistic since they are focused on the team winning and hope your kid can keep up. This doesn't mean that parents shouldn't "check themselves" since some are out of control.

Why do you persist to talk in extremes? Questioning every call or cheering when a kid gets injured are extremes and indeed psychotic that no one will defend. But the job not being a easy one does not excuse when and if it’s done poorly, or parents pointing out glaring errors that sometimes could lead to injuries, altercations etc if missed by coach AND ref.

Coaches and ref are responsible for 10-20+ kids at a time and some parents are aware of this fact and do not complain when things are missed but will not shut up or ignore them to appease others while missing a learning opportunity or assuring safety of their child.

Lastly not sure how long you’ve been a ref but I’m sure there have been numerous occasions you’ve thanked a parent for pointing something out

HOw parents act in the car and at home is none of anyone's business and not relkevant to the discussion. All we can really talk about is what happens during games/training on the sideline. This is because it impacts more than just the child of the parent yelling things out. It has a major effect on the rest of the kids as well. No one wants to hear people yelling "PASS TO ____" the entire game or berating everyone who isnt their child for daring to take a shot on goal. No one wants to hear a parent embarrass the club by yelling at some referee, who we should be thanking profusely for even doing the thankless job.

The clubs can control this but many do not. If some maniac wants to berate his kids after their u11 lijsl game, that is that family's problem. If he wants to yell instructions to the team that distract and confuse my kids, that is not ok. Simple as that.

Poor quality of coaching with poor quality of refereeing will always lead to parents yelling out from the sidelines. The better the coaching most importantly usually always leads to far more trust of parents which in turns leads to a far more “silent” sideline. You rarely hear an involved and alert coach with a loud parental section. If you know youth soccer and are being honest this is the threads issue in a nutshell.