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Do YOU belong at practice ? #721058 04/24/19 08:48 AM
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This Is a question that many parents come across
From young age when coaches seem to hate the drop off and dash up to parents of varsity kids sitting in bleachers at practice on a daily basis

Thoughts - opinions ?

The idea for this article struck me as I sat in my car after dropping off a carpool of girls to practice last week. I was scheduled to drive the carpool both ways and it made sense to stay at the fields for practice as the fields were 30 minutes from my house.

As I sat in my car at the sports complex that includes 12 turf fields – I was witness to a long stream of players and parents marching off to training. It is a big complex and I understood that parents of the young players wanted to be sure their child made it to the proper field, so an escort to training was in order. However, when I started noticing parents walking with older players, and parents carrying blankets to keep warm and one even carrying a portable heater – it struck me that many of these parents were planning on hanging out on the sidelines to watch practice.

I know how rewarding it can be to watch your child practice and improve. As I watched from my car, the anticipation and excitement of many of the fast-walking parents as they herded their players along was nearly palpable, as I have felt it before.

Up until this year, for the past 3 years, I had attended just about every single one of my daughter’s practices. I wasn’t on the sidelines watching, I was on an adjacent field coaching and only periodically involved with her training. While my attention was obviously on the players I was working with, I couldn’t help but steal a glance in the direction of my daughter at a water break and I will even admit a time or two when the water break was extended for an extra 30 seconds or so, in order for me to watch her on the ball.

I loved watching her practice.

I loved watching her practice because of how it made me feel….Never really taking into account how my presence in her team environment made her feel.

Now, after 6 months of not being at the fields for her practices, I clearly see the benefits of my distance.

6 Reasons Parents Should NOT Watch Practice

1. A parent’s role in their child’s sports endeavor is to be supportive
(listen to this SoccerParenting.com interview with Sport Psychologist Dan Abrahams about a parent’s role) When parents watch practices – it can lead to comments outside of this supportive and encouraging role. We find ourselves saying things such as “You should pay better attention to the coach when they are talking.” or “You kept passing to the other team, you need to be more focused.” or “I sure wish you would try harder.” When we watch practices, we open the door to talking about a part of our child’s sport experience we should not be talking about.

2. Sometimes it’s better not to know.
It’s better not to know if our child isn’t paying attention, or if our child is struggling with the speed of play and giving the ball away, or if our child is not working as hard as we know they can. It’s better not to know because when we do know these things, the stress creeps in.What our child needs to receive from us is our support, not our stress. They need to know that we believe in their ability to be their best. When our child feels our stress, they hear “You should have done better” instead of “I believe in your ability to be your best.”

3. When we watch practices, there is a clear shift in the dynamic between our child and their team and coach.
After all, as parents, we are the most authoritative figure in our child’s life. Naturally, they will feel different when we are watching practices. We limit our child’s ability to be a teammate when we insert ourselves into their team dynamic, even if it is from the bleachers or from a distance.

4. Being a teammate is an honor and a responsibility.
Our children must learn to play for their teammates and their coach, not for us. When we are in attendance, they are naturally playing for us – to show off to us, to win our approval. We need to allow our children to concentrate not on winning our approval, rather on winning the approval of their teammates and coaches through their personal level of commitment (see 5, below).

5. Our child’s commitment to their team needs to be a decision they make, it can’t be anything we try to facilitate.
If we are involved in this decision, our children will eventually burn out or lose interest. If we want to support our children as they develop an identity as an athlete and team member, we must allow their commitment to their team to come from within them. When we are too involved, we hamper this development.

6. Parents should have better things to do than watching practice.
If we put our children front and center in our lives, to the point that we are bringing heaters out to training so WE can stay warm and watch, like I witnessed the other night, we are putting too much pressure on the them. We are quietly telling them that our happiness, in some way, depends on their performance. That’s too much pressure. Our happiness should depend on us – on the walk or run we could take, on the book we could read, on the other things we could accomplish in the hour and a half of their training.

When the girls got back into the car the other night I announced my idea for this article and was met with a resounding “That’s a great idea!” I found this quick response interesting because while the girls in the carpool have parents that may watch the last 10 minutes of training before picking them up (I do this as well), their parents are certainly not watching for the duration of the training.

Interestingly, what the girls then mentioned were the players they have played with over the years who had parents who attended training regularly. They were keenly aware of the parents who came to training, even mentioning a few of them by name. They said they felt sorry for those players.

“Why do you feel sorry for them?” I asked.

“They must have felt so much pressure” was the response.

I suppose I wouldn’t want my boss going with me on all of my appointments with clients, or the coaching director watching every single one of my training sessions.

I am sure you wouldn't either.

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Gg1j18] #721074 04/24/19 10:36 PM
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Sorry, dont agree with everything said here no matter how you make it sound. No , I do not watch every practice, not in the least. I simply have work to do or errands to run. However, the once in a while, if it is a nice day, I DO watch. Why...because I like to, my kids enjoy it when I am there, even though most of the time they don't even know I was watching because they are not looking into the stands, or the side of the field. They will be leaving for College in a year and two years and then I praobably wont be able to see any of it anymore. (work schedule). So for now, it bring s them and me pleasure when i get to see the practice, the speed they play at now, the passing, the times they get to talk with the coach, the high fives from teammates, etc, etc. Our conversation in the car, if at all, when it is about the practice is THEM asking me "did you see me make that great save" or "did you see me pass to so and so as a defender was on me? " etc, etc. THey are proud of their accomplishments. SO please, spare us all the "Parents shouldn't watch practice" nonsense and take it for what it is for most of us, (not the ones bringing the heaters...my god) it is a good time and enjoyment for the kids and the parents. Hell, we pay enough, thousands, so to watch a practice or two, stop reading into it.

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Gg1j18] #721076 04/25/19 06:07 AM
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I watch once in awhile, rarely an entire session. I use the valuable time to get things done. It's fine to check in now and then, but you should see the results of practices in game performance.

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Anonymous] #721079 04/25/19 07:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Sorry, dont agree with everything said here no matter how you make it sound. No , I do not watch every practice, not in the least. I simply have work to do or errands to run. However, the once in a while, if it is a nice day, I DO watch. Why...because I like to, my kids enjoy it when I am there, even though most of the time they don't even know I was watching because they are not looking into the stands, or the side of the field. They will be leaving for College in a year and two years and then I praobably wont be able to see any of it anymore. (work schedule). So for now, it bring s them and me pleasure when i get to see the practice, the speed they play at now, the passing, the times they get to talk with the coach, the high fives from teammates, etc, etc. Our conversation in the car, if at all, when it is about the practice is THEM asking me "did you see me make that great save" or "did you see me pass to so and so as a defender was on me? " etc, etc. THey are proud of their accomplishments. SO please, spare us all the "Parents shouldn't watch practice" nonsense and take it for what it is for most of us, (not the ones bringing the heaters...my god) it is a good time and enjoyment for the kids and the parents. Hell, we pay enough, thousands, so to watch a practice or two, stop reading into it.


Yeah but you're a normal person, many are not. I know a woman who used to critique every minute, move and other player EVERY practice. And yes, she'd show up with blankets and a thermos full of the dinner that the rest of her family was home eating.

My favorite would be when game time came around when she would exclaim that 'they' should get the ball to her kid because she scored "the most goals during practice this week!". Yes, she sat there and counted how many goals her kid scored during drills AGAINST AN OPEN NET!
Lolololol!!!

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Gg1j18] #721080 04/25/19 07:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Sorry, dont agree with everything said here no matter how you make it sound. No , I do not watch every practice, not in the least. I simply have work to do or errands to run. However, the once in a while, if it is a nice day, I DO watch. Why...because I like to, my kids enjoy it when I am there, even though most of the time they don't even know I was watching because they are not looking into the stands, or the side of the field. They will be leaving for College in a year and two years and then I praobably wont be able to see any of it anymore. (work schedule). So for now, it bring s them and me pleasure when i get to see the practice, the speed they play at now, the passing, the times they get to talk with the coach, the high fives from teammates, etc, etc. Our conversation in the car, if at all, when it is about the practice is THEM asking me "did you see me make that great save" or "did you see me pass to so and so as a defender was on me? " etc, etc. THey are proud of their accomplishments. SO please, spare us all the "Parents shouldn't watch practice" nonsense and take it for what it is for most of us, (not the ones bringing the heaters...my god) it is a good time and enjoyment for the kids and the parents. Hell, we pay enough, thousands, so to watch a practice or two, stop reading into it.


I don't think the article was aimed at you, but rather the helipcopter/snowplow parents who not only attend all the time, but become involved to the detriment of their player.

I am the same as you - every now and then it's fun to just check-in and see what's going on. And I think like you, my player enjoys that. And I also know that my player loves to talk about what happened when I wasn't there.

We all know who these parents are, and this article is just a reminder to not become one of them.

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Gg1j18] #721082 04/25/19 08:46 AM
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As you go up the ladder you find that practices become far enough away that it simply is not feasible to drop and go. For where my daughter practices, I have about a 30 minute drive home. I would literally have to just drive around aimlessly with the only intention being to not be near practice. I'd rather just sit in my car at a distance. Or watch from the side for the scrimmages. I think much of this "drop and go" push is more pressure from the club to lower their accountability.

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Anonymous] #721084 04/25/19 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
As you go up the ladder you find that practices become far enough away that it simply is not feasible to drop and go. For where my daughter practices, I have about a 30 minute drive home. I would literally have to just drive around aimlessly with the only intention being to not be near practice. I'd rather just sit in my car at a distance. Or watch from the side for the scrimmages. I think much of this "drop and go" push is more pressure from the club to lower their accountability.


Get a book and go to Starbucks. Go for a walk. Don't lurk.

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Gg1j18] #721085 04/25/19 09:33 AM
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What the hell is wrong with watching my daughter practice? She says she doesn’t mind, and there are other like-minded parents at the complex, so what is the big deal?? I love to see, and chat with the other parents, and the younger age group parents too, as we all have something in common. Love talking about sports other than soccer, and politics always gets a good laugh. As far as I’m concerned, its a blast, besides need to watch my investment grow, for me, its better than Wall Street!

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Gg1j18] #721090 04/25/19 10:29 AM
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In all my years watching practices... I’ve fallen into many of the above listed parenting traps. But I’ve also observed when the coaches check out, encourage bullying, humiliate players, and consistently run lazy poor practices. This is important consumer information... also there are frequently times when the coach wants certain actions or tactics from my player that I can talk to my child about and encourage him to fulfill.

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Gg1j18] #721107 04/25/19 08:54 PM
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wish that were true, the kids don't get much play time, they are not starters so I see more at practice.

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Anonymous] #721117 04/26/19 08:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
As you go up the ladder you find that practices become far enough away that it simply is not feasible to drop and go. For where my daughter practices, I have about a 30 minute drive home. I would literally have to just drive around aimlessly with the only intention being to not be near practice. I'd rather just sit in my car at a distance. Or watch from the side for the scrimmages. I think much of this "drop and go" push is more pressure from the club to lower their accountability.


Get a book and go to Starbucks. Go for a walk. Don't lurk.


lol ok, i wish there was a starbucks nearby. We practice in the middle of nowhere. I usually sit in the car and watch tv on my laptop or just do email for work.

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Anonymous] #721173 04/27/19 03:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
Originally Posted by Anonymous
As you go up the ladder you find that practices become far enough away that it simply is not feasible to drop and go. For where my daughter practices, I have about a 30 minute drive home. I would literally have to just drive around aimlessly with the only intention being to not be near practice. I'd rather just sit in my car at a distance. Or watch from the side for the scrimmages. I think much of this "drop and go" push is more pressure from the club to lower their accountability.


Get a book and go to Starbucks. Go for a walk. Don't lurk.


lol ok, i wish there was a starbucks nearby. We practice in the middle of nowhere. I usually sit in the car and watch tv on my laptop or just do email for work.


I thot there's a rule that you can't drive more than 12 minutes without finding one wink

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Gg1j18] #721174 04/27/19 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Gg1j18


6 Reasons Parents Should NOT Watch Practice

1. A parent’s role in their child’s sports endeavor is to be supportive


A parent's role is obviously much broader than sports and is NOT just to be supportive. Sometimes it involved holding your child accountable and/or calling them out. No reason this can't include (when warranted) sporting behavior.

Originally Posted by Gg1j18

2. Sometimes it’s better not to know.


Sometimes its also better to know. Such as to know whether or not the $3,000 or more you are paying for coaching is going toward quality coaching or someone who spends large part of practices looking at his phone (have seen this from an A licensed coach).

Originally Posted by Gg1j18

3. When we watch practices, there is a clear shift in the dynamic between our child and their team and coach.


Vastly overstated (unless parent is a crazy person yelling during practices).

Originally Posted by Gg1j18

4. Being a teammate is an honor and a responsibility.


Agreed. But children are also playing for themselves. And see parent's role at point 1 - no reason parent cant watch and still have kid play for his teammates.

Our children must learn to play for their teammates and their coach, not for us. When we are in attendance, they are naturally playing for us – to show off to us, to win our approval. We need to allow our children to concentrate not on winning our approval, rather on winning the approval of their teammates and coaches through their personal level of commitment (see 5, below).

Originally Posted by Gg1j18

5. Our child’s commitment to their team needs to be a decision they make, it can’t be anything we try to facilitate.


Huh? Prime parental role (age dependent) is "facilitating" good behavior. Many kids if not for the "facilitation" of parents would just stay home and play with their X-box for 14 hours on the weekend.

If we are involved in this decision, our children will eventually burn out or lose interest. If we want to support our children as they develop an identity as an athlete and team member, we must allow their commitment to their team to come from within them. When we are too involved, we hamper this development.

Originally Posted by Gg1j18

6. Parents should have better things to do than watching practice.


Watching your kid at a practice or two seems like a good use of my time and is a nice escape from work, bills, etc.

I get what the OP is trying to say, but this really isn't a one-sized fits all answer and it also varies with age, familiarity with the club/coach and travel time parameters.

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Anonymous] #721490 05/03/19 02:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Anonymous
Sorry, dont agree with everything said here no matter how you make it sound. No , I do not watch every practice, not in the least. I simply have work to do or errands to run. However, the once in a while, if it is a nice day, I DO watch. Why...because I like to, my kids enjoy it when I am there, even though most of the time they don't even know I was watching because they are not looking into the stands, or the side of the field. They will be leaving for College in a year and two years and then I praobably wont be able to see any of it anymore. (work schedule). So for now, it bring s them and me pleasure when i get to see the practice, the speed they play at now, the passing, the times they get to talk with the coach, the high fives from teammates, etc, etc. Our conversation in the car, if at all, when it is about the practice is THEM asking me "did you see me make that great save" or "did you see me pass to so and so as a defender was on me? " etc, etc. THey are proud of their accomplishments. SO please, spare us all the "Parents shouldn't watch practice" nonsense and take it for what it is for most of us, (not the ones bringing the heaters...my god) it is a good time and enjoyment for the kids and the parents. Hell, we pay enough, thousands, so to watch a practice or two, stop reading into it.


This is a worthwhile topic to discuss. Not intentionally trying to play neutral. I agree with some of the article's points and I also agree with the first rebuttal that some of it is "nonsense" to quote them directly. I have MANY kids in soccer still. All ages, genders, and levels of play. My transformation went from A) coaching the first few - countless hours with them, to B) commuting them to and from practice and staying to watch every moment, to C) commuting them, staying to watch parts and walking or doing work while waiting, or kicking ball with my other kids, to D) commuting them and not watching - an occasional glance, to E) dropping them off and coming back, to F) having others drop off and or pick up at times. There are several reasons for this. I'm much more busy now with all the kids. I'm worn out and not as interested to be honest. I do feel my presence at times may affect their performance or focus on the field (distraction). Not always negatively by the way like the original article suggests - at the younger ages, they play with more effort & focus when i'm there I think, at the older ages i'm a distraction mostly. The first rebuttal hit home with me. My oldest are prepping for potentially playing college ball. They only have a couple years left and then i'll never get to see them again possibly. These are moments we cannot get back as a parent. I watch because I love to see them - be with them. Is that a crime? When I do watch, I don't stand on the 50 yard line and make comments. I blend in and try to be as inconspicuous as I can as to not distract. Lastly, god forbid we are allowed to watch. We're paying thousands and thousands of dollars and time and energy of our own in their experience, you'd think we'd be allowed to see what is going on. See if the training is any good or if they are getting what we pay for. Seeing if they are getting along and have good chemistry with teammates, etc. many reasons more. In closing, I agree with certain points of the original article, and I agree with points made by the first responder. I am curious if the originator of this topic is a trainer or club personnel. Regarding the people with lawn chairs, heaters, blankets, etc.....LOL. It's probably their first child or only child. In that case, they get a pass. After many children &* years through the "youth soccer experience", most people I believe change.

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Re: Do YOU belong at practice ? [Re: Gg1j18] #721717 05/08/19 03:31 PM
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Ideally dropping the kids off and having no knowledge of what happens is the right thing to do, but that really only is necessary if you are a parent who is incapable of separating yourself from your child and what they endeavor to do.

I attended almost all the practices for my now 'retired' oldest. Hell I ran most of them.

I attend almost all the practices of my now youngest.

I see all the things that go on. I steal drills. I watch her effort level I watch her compete level, how the coach interacts with her and try to pay attention to every detail so that I might be able to guide her when she's at home in the back yard and has questions. I want to know what they're working on so I can provide an intelligent answer.

But here's where I am different. Same as in games, I say nothing to her. Ever. ME: 'How was practice?' Her: 'good, can I get a hot chocolate on the way home?' Me: OK. end of conversation.

Like it or not travel sports are cutthroat. Tryouts come every year and I prefer to be aware of where my kids stand entering tryouts so there are no shocks. If they're not competing at the level required fort the next year then when the cut comes down and they ask my why I think I happened, I can tell them honestly what I saw over the year in their games and practices. It also allows me to try to get ahead of things I need to get ahead of like if she's struggling with something I can offer additional training with a coach, or a camp and be proactive to what their needs might be, before they need it and it's too late.

My kids know I see them all the time when they make a great play or a bad on. They know I see when they're slacking off. I never, ever say anything. It's not my job. I am detached. This is for them. I'm just a resource they can speak to when they have questions etc so I can point them in the right direction.

It's possible to be present, and my goal as a dad is to remain ever present, but not judging not interfering and not making any of this out to be about me, what I want or feel I need. This is my kid's to own. They own the process. They own all of it. They day they say they're done...guess what..they're done! My oldest made it to U15. My youngest might not make it to U11. That's cool...we'll go find something else to do, maybe travel-intramural. Maybe a less competitive team in another program. Maybe she wants to just focus on another sport. IDGAF.

If you need to live vicariously through your kid...drop them off. If you can't help but make comments about their effort level, mistakes etc...drop them off.

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