The following posting comes from a June 2009 discussion here on the BOTN College Board which is very relevant to the questions raised by NorCalKeeperDad.

Originally Posted By: BoardLord
Originally Posted By: Anonymous
thanks for the post on talking to the coach. It was very useful and I actually used the wording to other coaches. One question, do you tell a coach about another offer specifically?
BOTN Industries has seen this strategy play out in multiple scenarios and our best advice is inconclusive : in other words, it depends on the situation. Let's give some examples.

Scenario #1 : Top Choice Makes Offer, Second Choice Slightly Better
If your child has been offered a roster spot at Top Choice University ... and you have expressed that the target school is your child's number one college choice ... and you have been offered a 0.25 scholarship, does it matter that his or her second choice offered 0.50 scholarship? This will matter if the Top Choice University and Second Choice College are close in preference or your family has significant financial issues to consider. The "it depends" here is whether making the roster and programs at Top Choice University outweighs another 0.25 from another school. If you have established a good relationship with the coach at Top Choice U., you might be able to ask for more in a frank conversation, but the external offer means less at that point.

Scenario #2 : Top Choice Seems Hesitant on a Firm Offer, Second Choice Comes Through
So, what about an example where you might want to share details of another offer? Suppose you are waiting for a coach to firmly commit a roster spot and financial offer for your player at Top Choice University. Suddenly, Second Selection College offers a solid soccer/academic package, but the player still loves Top Choice U. Here, it might make sense to lay your cards on the table with the coach at Top Choice U. and ask for some firmer details as you are getting pressure from the head coach at Second Choice College for a decision.

In the end, sharing information about other offers is as much about negotiation skills as it is about leveraging one offer against another. Sorry that BOTN Industries is supplying the wishy-washy "it depends" answer, but there is no firm answer for every negotiation situation.